When I was younger, my Dad and I shared meals together all the time. With my Mom in nursing school, commuting an hour back and forth from Jackson to Kalamazoo daily, we spent a lot of time together. Over the years our meals have evolved from the stages of his college life, to mine. One such meal that has stuck with me, was homemade pizza. By homemade I of course mean a pre-made crust and the addition of our favorite toppings. This was my favorite of all the meals we shared because it was one that I could help with. I am in no way, shape, or form a cook, but when it comes to pizza, I can sure spread a mean can of store-ready sauce!
When I couldn’t make it home to again share this cooking experience with my Dad, I thought hard about whom I could share my meal with. The decision was actually very easy though. Jamie. Jamie is one of my oldest friends at K, and ever so deserving of a gift from a friend she has given so much to. Always there in a bind, always willing to give more than she should, I was happy to choose her to cook for.
Jamie is remarkably like a Mom away from Mom. She knows all of the answers to the little tedious questions that would normally go towards a parent, but we’re away at school. She is insanely domestic and loves to cook. Making a pizza was now an even better decision than before; she could help me make it!
My perfect pizza contains the following; pepperoni, ham, bacon, mushroom, banana pepper, onion, and lots of cheese. Our perfect pizza on a college budget; pepperoni, banana pepper, mushroom, and lots of cheese!
To begin our cooking adventure, Jamie and I took a trip to the friendly, neighborhood Meijer. All of the ingredients we needed were housed within three isles of one another, a quick and easy trip. Making the experience that much easier still, pizza ingredients such as crust sauce and pepperoni are now conveniently shelved in a group. The most challenging part of the entire process was finding canned mushrooms.
The following day it was time for a lazy lunch. In addition to the pizza, Ben & Jerry’s half baked ice cream as well as chips and salsa were provided as the perfect college-esque appetizers.
After several trips back and forth from our third floor dorm rooms to the basement kitchen, we finally had everything that we needed, from silverware to canola oil. Taking cues from the three step instructions on the back of the crust packaging, we got to work.
First, I spread canola oil on the crust as a substitute for olive oil. We then poured roughly half a jar of traditional Pizza Quick Ragu over the surface of the crust and spread it evenly with a spoon. Next came the spreading of the whole package of mozzarella cheese. We then went on to cover the entire pizza with slices of pepperoni. Jamie, holding different views on mushrooms, opted out of placing them on her half. I however, covered the obnoxious amount of pepperoni with an obnoxious amount of mushrooms. Last, but not least, we each used about half a jar of banana peppers to top the pizza off.
Though the instructions on the ready-to-bake crust said our perfect pizza would be ready in 7 - 10 minutes, with the ridiculous amounts of toppings we had added, the pizza took well over 30 minutes to cook. The juice from the banana peppers and canned mushrooms spilled over the sides as it baked, leaving a far from perfect, sufficiently black outer crust.
My meal comes back to the theme of who you’re sharing it with. Though the pizza had burnt crust and not fully cooked through toppings, the experience was what mattered. Jamie has been through so much with me, and it felt good to spend time with her outside of the dorm. It felt great to give back to her after she has given so much to me. It felt great to make a memory that I’m sure we’ll be laughing about for years to come.
Stephanie, I think you have a good start here. I like that your perfect meal doesn't have to be overly complicated, that it doesn't have to include exotic ingredients or take hours of preparation.
ReplyDeleteYou did a good job of describing why your company was important to you. Jamie is clearly a good friend, but though you repeat that she has been there for you and given so much to you, I found myself wanting some details. For example, what Mom away from Mom advice does she give? Anything that could help us understand your connection that much more.
There were parts about your meal that confused me a bit--things that I feel could easily be cleared up with a bit more explanation. For example, why did you choose to use canned mushrooms and canned banana peppers? Is it because you can't fathom cutting and preparing them yourself? If so, tell us. Along the same lines, why not make your own crust? Or sauce? I'm not accusing you of being lazy here (I think canned sauce is the only way to go!), I just want to hear why you made these choices.
Even though your pizza didn't turn out perfectly, it was clear that your meal was wonderful because of who you shared it with. This ending is nice, but it seemed a bit expected and could probably be made stronger. I know we talked before, when workshopping the memoirs, about perhaps ending on an image? (Endings aren't my strong point, so I don't have many other suggestions.) Overall I enjoyed reading this piece, Stephanie--your personality really came through it.
Hey Stephanie!
ReplyDeleteWhat really stood out to me in this piece was: your relationship with Jaime (I loved "Mom away from Mom") and the idea of practicality and convenience while you're living a college lifestyle. Soooo as you're drafting, maybe take a deeper look into those things?
I think you do a really good job of letting your voice come out, and you make it very evident that the meal was significant not for the food itself, but because of the company.
Another thing to maybe think about: if Jaime is a good cook and you're comparing her to a mom, why did the pizza come out poorly? That's an interesting tension & a question I had as I was reading...
Stephanie,
ReplyDeleteI really like the fact that your story doesn’t feature some overambitious gourmet meal: instead, your idea of a perfect meal is simple yet associated with memories of you and your dad. I think it’s interesting that although you initially talk about sharing meals and making “homemade” pizza with your dad, you end up making the meal at college with a mom–like friend. Did your mom ever cook? Or did she just not have time? Did you eat different things when she was around than when you were just with your dad?
You have a great start, and once you get more time, just go back and tighten up sentences here and there for clarity’s sake. I felt myself wanting you to tell more of a story when you said “The most challenging part of the entire process was finding canned mushrooms.” How was this challenging? Maybe you could elaborate? Make tension? Or find ways to add in humor?
I think you jump a little too quickly to stating the theme at the end of the piece—can you show instead of tell? I’d like to see you develop the eating of the meal more (how did it taste? Did you guys exchange funny looks? Did you laugh?). You paint a good pictures of your relationship with Jamie early on, but I think there could be more detail at the very end.
I'd like to see more about the meal itself: what you ate, what you ate first, what you liked and didn't like specifically about it. I was also confused about your "lazy lunch." Was that your meal? Were you eating that Ben and Jerry's ice cream after your meal or was that lunch before your pizza?
ReplyDeleteI agree with what others said about your last paragraph. I think it pays to not state the moral or message to take away from the story but to (and it is alot harder) weave it throughout the whole story so that the reader thinks of it organically.
I think the biggest thing that your piece needs is more expansion. Go into more detail about what shopping at Meijer was like, was it different after Reading the Omnivore's Dilemma and watching Food Inc.? Basically expand upon all the different pieces you already have with some good description and try to weave a theme throughout.
Great start, Stephanie! I love your voice throughout this -- after reading everything we have in class, I felt the pressure to make a gourmet meal complete with local, fresh ingredients; in the end it's just about what your perfect meal is, even if it is made from a box. Your characterization of Jaimie is also great!
ReplyDeleteI would have liked to see more of the actual consumption of the pizza -- your reaction, Jaimie's reaction, etc.
Really great start!
I wish I could have been there to witness this! It sounds delightful up until the end where you find out the crust burnt. I think you have a really great start but some of your ideas can definitely be developed a little more to make it awesome! You did a good job of letting us in on your relationship with Jamie but I think you could go even farther. Also, I think it might be interesting if you added a bit more about how you made the pizza with your dad--sort of to compare and contrast. One more thing is that you write the beginning as if everyone reading knows that this meal is spurred by a prompt; and even though we do all know try to think of a bigger audience! Great start!
ReplyDeleteThe start is very direct, which is quite good. I think you manage to establish your voice very well too.
ReplyDeleteI think you could further expand on the conclusion you arrive to about company by talking about it throughout the piece
I like the description of the pizza you used to have with your dad, and i think it's a great place to start. The piece as a whole also flows fairly well.
ReplyDeleteTo add a bit of length to it, you could dive into a bit more of hanging out with your friend, and how that effected the meal.
I got the chills when I read one of your first sentences "Over the years our meals have evolved from the stages of his college life, to mine." Really, really, lovely opening Stephanie.
ReplyDeleteLike Julia, I like that you take on a simple yet still significant meal. That shows, like you said, that it's not about the food, its about the people you share it with.
If this is the theme you're pushing for, I think you're headed in the right direction. However, as someone who knows Jamie well, I think you could really show your relationship with her, instead of telling us how close you are. Maybe put in some dialogue between the two of you? Or tell us about your time together at Meijer, I'm sure there were some funny or sincere situations wrapped up in this.
And maybe bringing it back to your father in the end? That touching first few lines stuck with me throughout and I kept expecting you to go back to them.
I agree with Hannah that I would like to hear more about your relationship with Jamie, since you have room to expand on that. Or maybe even talking more about your childhood experience with your dad...that's something I would definitely enjoy because it's the reason you even decided to make pizza. I think that I would like to hear more about the actual experience of making the pizza with Jamie. You lay out step-by-step how you do it, but Jamie kind of disappears from this section. So character development is one. But again, I would love to read more about this bond between you and your dad (in AnSo class yesterday you were talking about this, too). Great first draft!
ReplyDeleteStephanie,
ReplyDeleteGreat start! I love how your perfect meal consists of a pre-made crust, store-bought sauce, and canned mushrooms. To me that says college student on a budget, it's great. I think you do a nice job setting up your story by telling us all about how you've made and eaten this meal many a time with your dad at home in Jackson. It gives your meal a "homey" element that's always nice to think about when you're away at college. You did a great job of telling us all about Jamie and why you decided to include her in your meal. I agree with Kelsey and also wondered why your pizza came out poorly since Jamie is such an experienced cook. Perhaps you could elaborate on this a little more. All in all, great start!!
Well done, I really liked this a lot!
ReplyDeleteThe first part of your story with your dad was very charming, and I liked the line "Over the years our meals have evolved from the stages of his college life, to mine." I also liked the humor going on throughout the piece.
The story turns away from your dad then as you begin to talk about Jamie. I realize your father is the reason you wanted to make the pizza, so I don't think you should cut it, but maybe try to make that transition smoother.
Jamie also needs to be a more developed character. Your last line says this would be a memory you'd be laughing about for years to come. Tells us about this! Make us laugh too!